Ok, two serious posts is about all I can handle in one go, so today I'm going to write about Ducks:
Ducks live a sweet ass life.
Think about it, they are one of those rare animals who get TWO primary abilities. They can swim and fly. Feeling like a lazy day on the pond? Go for it man, you're a duck. But hey, don't worry, when the pond freezes over and all the other lame birds are dropping out of the trees like birdie-popsicles, you'll be chilling on a beach in Cabo, cause you can fly.
Anyone watch the show Heroes? Everybody gets one super ability, except for one guy (sort of). Hiro Nakamura can control time and teleport. And Hiro is, not surprisingly, one of the coolest characters in the show (he is also cute and cuddle, further re-enforcing my duck argument. Oh and also, Peter Petrelli doesn't count. He can absorb other people's powers, but it's still technically one ability, it's just a kick-ass one).
Ok, on to my next point, which we will call Point Tango:
Ducks are social birds, they live in groups. "So what", you may be thinking to yourself. That means that every duck is at least cool enough to be worth hanging out with. How many other birds do you know that flock together that way?
Penguins? I believe the movie Happy Feet has convincingly demonstrated that penguins are officially "cool".
Flamingos? Still cool, in a very 60s coctail party sort of way.
See, that's pretty lofty company. Take eagles, as a counter example. No one would deny that eagles are bad asses. But they must get lonely, right? All that soaring around on their own all the time must give them lots of empty hours to contemplate the meaninglessness of a life lived in isolation. I mean eagle chicks fight to the death as soon as they hatch until only one is left. That's just cold man...cold.
Oh, and a slight tangent for all you wordy types out there. I have just discovered that a group of ducks is only considered a flock when they are actually in flight. When they are on the water they are refered to as a raft of ducks, or a paddling of ducks, and at all times they can be refered to as a brace of ducks. Fascinating stuff.
So in conclusion, I believe I have convincingly demonstrated that ducks are the time traveling social ninjas of the avian world, and worthy of far more consideration than we have previously afforded them.
Tune in again next week, when I examine the relative merits of pogo sticks and other alternate means of transportation.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Ducks
Posted by JustinFike at 8:41 PM
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5 comments:
I like how you used "ass" multiple times in reference to birds. That's just classy.
I recall you mentioning how some people that read your blog just agree with you and you'd rather have a little more tention. Here goes.
You left out one very important bird, my friend: Canadian Geese. Canadian Geese are the most prestigious of all birds. That's a fact, and here's why: they get sculptures made of them. Not only that, but people put these sculptures in their yards, and some folds move them around daily to create the illusion that they are real Canadian Geese.
It doesn't get any cooler than that. Not only can they fly, but they are also famous and people want them in their yards on a daily basis.
That's a kick-ass bird, right there....aye (for the Canadian..ness.)
DUCKS!!!
I saw two ducks in Glendalough the other day. They were just chilling on one of the lakes. I definitely remember thinking, "that must be a really awesome way to live."
Then I took a gigantic hike. But that's for a post of my own! *grins*
i'm sorry but I would rather be an eagle... glide, high, alone... (grin). Besides who wants to be gliding on a crummy pond -- on the surface it all looks serene and idilic but under the water those feet are pumping man... yuck! glide for me!
I took some pictures of Irish ducks today, in your honor.
Being one of those wordy types and prone to tangents, I have to--perhaps with great irrelevance--recommend An Exaltation of Larks. It's a book of collectives--maybe the definitive such work--a must reference, yaknow, if you're a wordy type. The part I remember most is a delightful story in search of the proper collective for prostitutes, which I don't recall reaching a decisive conclusion but it includes the delicious "a jam of tarts."
On the bird thing, I kinda feel non- or interdenominational about the whole business. There are so many awesome birds; why do we have to get all religious and argumentative about it, I wonder? Birdness is awesomeness, birdbrainishness notwithstanding. They sing, they soar, they sometimes float. I've always been proud of the fact that my mother's maiden name is Carol Bird (she's named after a character in a story) and maybe that's some of the affinity. And, yes, she did have a lovely voice.
Charlene makes an excellent point, btw. Dragging one's ass through scum doesn't seem like such a swell lot in life. Hmmm, that's sometimes how it feels to be human, come to think of it.
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