Under the Snow

I've wanted to blog for a while, but I haven't had anything I really wanted to say. Life has been slow and quiet, which I've learned to appreciate more than I ever thought possible. I'd say the most significant and interesting thing I've observed in myself lately is that I'm not angry about the pace of my life anymore. I'm not grumbling about it, although I'm still fairly confused. It's funny when God works change in us, sometimes looking back it can seem like almost nothing has changed, aside from the disposition of our hearts...which is a wonderful reminder of what He really cares about.

But what has finally prompted me to start blogging again is the wonderful snowstorm we had here two days ago. I've found myself staring out of the window for long stretches of time lately, until the sunlight reflecting back into my eyes leaves me blurry eyed and happy. Here in the mountains we don't get gray snows, the clouds always lift and for days on end you can watch the slow accumulation of animal tracks across the lawn, and watch icicles melt one drop at a time.

Nature restores me. The night of the storm I set my alarm for 7:15am so I would be the first one to go out in the new snow (that was about as early as I could manage without being grumpy). It was frigid, my hands went completely numb from holding a camera into the wind, but I couldn't help it. Everything looks different under the snow.

Then I realized as I was walking that my backyard had become a good parallel for my life these days. It's quiet, and beautiful, and really very fragile. In the middle of winter it can seem endless and you want it to be spring so badly you can hardly breath. But snow melts quickly, and there will never be another snowfall like this one again, ever.



Right now, my life is like this, and I've fallen in love with it:

Amplifiers

My crazy week of feverish preparation for the Prayer Breakfast ended a few days ago, and after two lovely days of relaxing (and catching up on sleep) I'm feeling human again. The event came off quite well I think (at least the parts I was responsible for didn't have any issues) and it was incredibly rewarding and meaningful for me to be able to be a part of helping it happen. I might follow up with an entry or two on the event itself, but the biggest "take away" of the weekend had more to do with the people I spent time with. Specifically, I've been struck lately by how incredibly important the people we surround ourselves with are to what we ultimately make of our lives.

In the past when I've heard people talk about the importance of who you surround yourself with, they've usually focused on avoiding "the wrong people". But now more than ever I'm convinced that its far more important to focus on actively surrounding yourself with people who redefine "normal" for you in positive ways.

I think the people around us act like amplifiers. They pick up and magnify whatever spiritual frequency they're attuned to themselves. If it's negative, they amplify the negative voices/energy/whatever-you-want-to-call it that is being directed at you already, making it louder and more substantial. It gets harder to believe in yourself, in your dreams, in the possibility of progress. It gets harder to make good choices. I used to think that the important thing was to make sure you weren't surrounding yourself with those kinds of amplifiers.

But what I've learned from a long year and more of isolation and growth is that it isn't enough to not have negative reinforcement in our lives. We absolutely need people around us who stretch and challenge us if we want to reach for something more in our lives. This past weekend has shown me just how much I've quietly allowed myself to relax my expectations for my life, to become focused on the achievable at the expense of the truly worthwhile, and to allow myself to be intimidated out of some bigger dreams that scare me just as much as they excite me.

It's so incredibly easy to fall prey to the all too reasonable voices of doubt, caution, cynicism, and fear when we try to stand against them on our own. I think we need to see present examples of other people accomplishing large things, so that in the moments when we doubt ourselves we can draw some inspiration from what they're doing. I think we need to see other people succeeding at impossible things so that when we're tempted to settle for "good enough", we can push ourselves to believe for more.

So let me say "thank you" to all those who have amplified the voice of God in my life lately, whether you were aware of it or not (and most of you aren't). I hope I return the favor to you along the way.