I've realized that I'm still not ready to be in a serious relationship. It's a little surprising, because I'm doing ok emotionally. It feels like a lot of time has passed since Jackie and I broke up earlier this year. But I've realized over the past few days that I still have some issues to work through.

I don't think I've ever really forgiven myself for how that relationship progressed, or how it ended. I'm honestly afraid of someone else being vulnerable to me again, because I don't really trust myself. The crazy part is that nothing all that bad happened, even though I'm making it sound like I did something horrible. I just realized that the relationship couldn't go any further, and I ended it, even though I knew she didn't understand.

Anyway, it's complicated...I don't exactly know what it is I'm trying to say. If emotions were physical, and that past hurt is a wound that's healed over, I discovered this weekend that there is more scar tissue there than I realized. But, at least now I know where to start looking.