Perspective: I can't make my own life work. Simple as that. I could spend the next 50 years doing everything I can to make things work out the way I envision them, and die exhausted and frustrated. Or I can cultivate a healthier perspective, living out in the mundane details of my days the confusing truth that we find our lives when we give them up. I'll take the latter.
Patience: There are things that I want, right now. I want to move into my own apartment, fully furnished exactly the way I want it to be. I want to live closer to all of my friends. I want to travel with people I love. Frankly, I want to get married and raise a family. There are so many things that are almost a part of my life, that it becomes far too easy to spend all my time thinking about what I am waiting for, rather than engaging what is all around me.
I'm learning that patience doesn't mean passivity. Patience is the whole-hearted engagement of the here-and-now, supported by the firm conviction that tomorrow will be its own day, equally worth engaging.
Trust: I'm learning to trust God in a deeper and more tangible way than I ever have before. I'm learning to trust the relationships in my life more fully. And mostly, I'm learning to trust myself. I'm learning to give credence to my own instincts, and the goodness of who God has made me to be.
Intensity: This is the one it feels like I'm having the hardest time with. I'm am learning to give myself fully to the things that I'm engaging, to take things that extra step. I'm learning how to discipline my spirit and my emotions in those moments when I would rather watch a movie than sit down to write. I don't want to go through life only making good use of 20% of my time.
I imagine sometimes what my life could look like in the future if I truly learned to intensely and passionately engage whatever it is I'm setting myself to. When I work, I work with focus. When I rest, I rest without guilt. When I spend time with friends and family, I do it with abandon. When I travel, I move fully outside my comfort zone. I imagine a life where I never feel the subtle conviction that I'm just wasting some time, and it looks really good.
So those are some of the things I'm learning. I'm tempted to say, "things I still need to learn", because there are so many moments -- even whole days -- when I live as though I haven't learned them at all. But the truth is that they are sinking down under my skin and becoming a part of me. I've begun to notice instances where I react from these places without needing to think about it, and that is very encouraging.
"It is the voice of life that calls us to come a learn"
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naked
3 months ago
5 comments:
Hey dude!
Your section on Perspective seems to contradict the section on Intensity. The hardest thing for me (in my life) to do is decide which one or two things that I'm going to be intense about... to push toward that vision (putting everything else in the 'day-to-day' or 'contentment' category -- disengaging). You're right, if you go after everything with full intensity -- it will kill you. But going after that one or two things... that's what God designed you to do.
Guys like you who are hyper-gifted -- figuring out what #1 is can be very, very hard. You're capable of so much. You could probably take #5 on your core giftings and make it a smashing success -- better than anyone else. And often... it's the #5's and #6's that are more tangible to everyone else. Because of the praise we get, we think that these poser gifts might actually be the #1 and #2.
But #5's and #6's cloud things up -- because it's #1 and #2 that you're supposed to be doing -- and nobody else will understand it until after you do.
Thanks for the great response! You're officially the first person to respond with more than 3 sentences, lol.
I did realize after I posted that the way I described Perspective and Intensity could potentially be contradictory, but they don't feel that way internally. For me, acknowledging that I don't carry the ultimate responsibility for making my life work out frees me up to engage things, or not engage them as you said, wholeheartedly.
And I really like the way you described the #1s and #2s vs the 5s and 6s, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think that's what I'm trying to get at when talking about perspective. If the burden of my life were solely on my shoulders I would be much more tempted to just pursue the #5s because they're more secure and easier to wrap my mind around. But its those other things that call to me, and knowing that God holds my life in His hands releases me to chase after them instead.
Anyway, thanks for the great response and for helping me think about this further. It's nice to know you're lurking around here to =)
Ha! Yeah, that was the gist of my last comment. :-) You're welcome.
FYI, now that I know who you are... I've subscribed to your RSS feed.
Peace,
Gabriel
Everything that you've written here is something that I've been contemplating over the last two months -- no, over the last six months. My time in NC definitely gave me the tools I need to gain perspective, though in a slightly opposite way. Every time I turned around and saw one more coworker entrenched in the belief that life is about working some job (no thought to passions or talents) and working it until age 60, when you can finally "begin your life," my soul rebelled a bit more. Nothing like a "that's not gonna be me" attitude to really help you take a look at what you want to be doing. *grins* My greatest difficulties seem to be with gaining the trust in myself necessary to take the leaps that I want to take.
Sometime when I get back to the States and we reunite, I would love to talk to you about God in a more in-depth way than comments on your blog really allows for.
You should come to Ireland, though. The beauty here takes my breath away on a daily basis.
LOVE,
Blanche
Hmmm. I'm just gonna say that this is good and I'm humbled and I'm feeling in a particularly "not learning" state. Which I hope isn't the case. Just don't have handles. Maybe I'll steal some of your stuff.
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