On Silence

It's been very quiet lately. I think that's the most unexpectedly difficult part about being single again. I had become so used to having someone I cared about, and who cared about me, to talk to every day. The last two weeks I've been strongly feeling the absence of that, and I'm a little surprised at how difficult it has been.

My family has been amazing and supportive, especially janelle, but the problem with me is that I'm only mostly an extrovert (at least I'm not mostly dead, right?). I'm finding myself wanting space from mom and dad, wanting to talk with people and laugh and hang out. I caught myself thinking last night, "I guess everyone always wants whatever they can't have."

Which was immediately followed by my violently wishing that my arms worked in reverse, so that I could slap myself more effectively.

You see I've never had much patience for that particular sentiment, and here I had caught myself wallowing in it. Life is wild. It will always catch you off guard. But one thing I'm completely certain about is that there are two ways of looking at the places we find ourselves.

-- "This could be better if only I had x"

or

-- "Here I am. What is beautiful here? What can I learn? What will I take with me from this place?"

So, the silence and loneliness is still strange and different for me, but here I am. I suspect there is something beautiful hiding under it all, and I'm going to try and find it. Wish me luck.