Not - Blah

It's amazing how much your emotional state can adjust in a day or two.

I went for a long walk after my post yesterday. Pulled off my shoes and scuffed through the grass, crunched through gravel, ran my fingers down the ridges of tree bark, took really deep breaths, took pictures in the evening sunlight. It's so beautiful outside this time of year. The leaves are just turning yellow, the air is crisp but not quite cold. The world is well.

All of that stuff that was overwhelming me before is still there, but it feels like the wave has passed. It's just stuff again. It's important, but I can handle it.

I was thinking, as I drove through the mountains on my way back from Charlottesville the other day, that I'm really happy with my life right now. No, I love my life right now. There are things I'm dreaming about, hoping for, but for the first time in a while I'm really ok with not having them yet. In fact I'm kind of enjoying it.

I'm enjoying the freedom, physical and emotional, to be where I am with no pressure to be anywhere else. I can make choices on a whim, and I'm loving the freedom. I don't think I want to change any of that just yet.

I went to a Tai Chi class on monday. It was amazing to be moving and thinking in martial arts terms again, but it was so different from what I'm used to. There was something so beautiful and powerful about moving slooooooowly, precisely, engaging each movement and each moment fully. I've been learning to live life that way, and its really been a stretch for me, but I think my "life muscles" are getting used to it, enough so that I'm starting to enjoy it rather than endure it.