My Layer Cake Life

Time flies when you're facilitating a DDQ.

My last week is a little blurry. I got off the plane in DC, met up with dad, had a day or so of downtime, drove out to the Inn, and we literally launched right into the first evening gathering of DDQ Phase II a few minutes after stepping out of the car.

The conference ended on Sunday, followed by a fun day outing of fishing and hanging out on the lake. So now I've finally had a chance to get my bearings again. I just put a load of laundry in the wash (I was down to my last pair of socks...), and I'm about to start a more regular work cycle again.

In the last few days I've also had the chance to do some actual thinking and processing as well. It's been especially good to have Jordan here pushing me to dig deeper and talk out loud. The most significant insight I've had of late has really helped me get a handle on where I've been, and especially on what this next month or two is supposed to be about.

I realized that my life is a lot like a cake that God has been working on over the last 5 years. Janelle insists its a layer cake. All through college He's been mixing and combining, breaking things down, stirring new discoveries and learnings into the mix. Sometimes it's felt a little choatic, even painful, but the end result is definitely more than the sum of the individual pieces.

I've been aware of how significantly different this year has been, though. To follow the metaphor on out, my life has been baking in the oven. I've been in this defined, enclosed space, and the environment itself has worked this ongoing transformation. I've frequently felt like I wasn't even actively doing anything, that all of these pieces and new discoveries were almost catalyzing on their own. The clearest thing I've felt from God is that I'm just not supposed to try and rush the process, that I should leave the door closed and let the process continue until He says its finished.

My month in Texas felt profoundly final, however, the clear capstone to that "oven season". But at the same time, I haven't felt a full release to launch out into whatever comes next. It's been rather confusing, honestly. As God began talking me through this analogy, though, I finally saw that this little window of being home after Texas is a chance to let the cake cool off. A short process, but important.

After finished DDQ Phase II, I'm even more aware of the disciplined planning I still need to engage. Yesterday I walked Equus (my digital publishing company) through a 5, 3, 2, 1 year, 6 month, and 3 month plan. I thought about what I want to shoot for, what I'm willing to sacrifice to get there, and what my next concrete steps are, and it felt wonderful (if a little exhausting). I finally feel like I have a handle on where I'm heading and what I need to do, and that underlying fear of failure has been gradually lifting ever since. I plan to do a similar planning process for my writing and general lifestyle goals.

I still don't know what shape my life will take. I don't know where I'll live next. I don't even really know who the core relationships in my life will be (though many of them are more obvious these days, thanks guys). But I'm beginning to feel the shape of those things as they emerge, and that is seriously exciting.