Transition Blues

*Note* I actually wrote this yesterday, but the internet in our hotel ran out before I could post it. I'm feeling a lot more chipper today, but I figured I'd post it anyway. It's all real right?


I believe I've already talked about not handling the in-betweens of transition periods well.

Well, today is further proof of that. Everything about today has been good. Slept in a little, had a very productive work meeting with mom for several hours that is going to continue to ensure that I stay on track with Equus, and I'm in a city that I love.

But I'm very much in turmoil inside.

More and more these days I just feel all of these disconnected things in my life. Experiences that I should be enjoying become reminders of something I hope for that isn't here yet, or something that I've only left behind very recently and still feel the absence of.

A large part of it is connected to other people and their responses, which adds another layer of both concern (because its important stuff) and frustration (because I'm just kind of waiting, either because the ball is in their court or because the only thing for it is more time passing).

It just feels like life has become a bit of a waiting game. I've got work to do, and some short term things to look forward to, but most of what I'm excited about these days is months or seasons away, if I'm even certain of it at all.

I'm realizing that its a little dual-minded of me to be writing about something like this after my last post sounding the praises of a life of freedom. I guess this is the hairy underside of freedom in a way. I still believe that someday I'll find a good balance. I don't think it will take much, a few solid and consistent things in my life, close relationships with people I see regularly, things like that.

For now, though, I'll keep doing what I need to do, trusting in God's timing on this as in other things.